Big Greek Schlong of the Month - FEBRUARY

History has been made here at Big Greek Schlongs as we honor our first six-time monthly award winner, G.K.

As many of our loyal readers already know, G.K.'s rocket-like ascension began with his Oscar nominated debut, Damn Bitch! Don't you Know I'm G.K.??!! This Internet sensation has been downloaded a record 592 octillian times. Historians were delighted with G.K.'s next offerings, which included Aristotle's Ass Party and Priapus: A Little History for that Ass. Known as the hardest working schlong in the business, G.K. then delivered Sophocles' Back Door Blast 1, 2 and 3 and the romantic comedy, My Big Fat Greek Schlong, which film scholars view as reflective of the legendary actor's transcendental period. These films were followed by G.K.'s epic period piece and first prequel, Heraclitus' Back Door Blast and the outstanding Pythagorean Theory of Triples. Not content to rest on his laurels, G.K. next dove headfirst into the political spectrum with the instant classic, Ruthorford B. Schlong.

The impact of G.K.'s success has been felt on a national, worldwide, and not surprisingly, on a universal level. The pandemonium surrounding the release of G.K.'s films has effectively shut down the Internet on several different occasions, has also caused global naval blockades and recently affected the Earth's orbital pull. To avoid another global crisis, NASA agreed to beam Ruthorford B. Schlong into space for all the galaxy to see. In addition to G.K.'s successful film run, he was also recently elected President of the United States, thanks to an unprecedented write-in campaign. Because of the time committment that G.K. devotes to running his global philanthropic charity and meat delivery operation, Daddy Greek Industries, he humbly declined the request to lead the country.

However, G.K. has just returned to the states, fresh off his latest global initiative, which focused on the eradication of dyspareunia, a common sexual disorder found around the globe. G.K. helped to lessen the impact of the disorder by giving millions of women medical-based lectures, as well as showing them pre-emptive practices designed to soften the blow. As G.K. states, "I told all these bitches to get ready. Then I showed them what real philanthropy is all about." Taking a cue from Al Gore, G.K. documented his travels in his latest series of educational films, Benevolence of the Schlong. Benevolence features red-hot scenes of G.K.'s legendary schlong, mixed with inspirational and highly informational PowerPoint presentation lessons.

Benevolence of the Schlong signals yet another peak that G.K. has mounted in his career, as the films have won our Big Greek Schlong of the Month the Nobel Peace Prize. The award reflects the "holding and promoting of peace" that G.K.'s films have created around the world. As G.K. eloquently stated in his acceptance speech, the formula for peace is simple. "When bitches hold up my schlong, armies stand down...and peace reigns."

We here at Big Greek Schlongs could not have put it any better, and again, we salute you, G.K.

Big Greek Schlong of the Month - JANUARY

Meet J.S., this month's Big Greek Schlong of the Month. Evidentally, he's a televison actor. We here at Big Greek Schlongs don't know much about him and we think his schlong is probably average, or in fact, not a schlong at all. What we do know is that J.S. is certainly not G.K. You see for the past two months, G.K. has been traveling the world on behalf of Daddy Greek Industries, delivering medical supplies and meat...to bitches. On behalf of the editors at Big Greek Schlongs, we salute your charity work, G.K.!!

Big Greek Schlong of the Month - DECEMBER

G.K. needed a break this month.

Big Greek Schlong of the Month - NOVEMBER

History has been made here at Big Greek Schlongs as we honor our first five-time monthly award winner, G.K.

As many of our loyal readers already know, G.K. literally and figuratively exploded onto the scene with his award-winning performance in Damn Bitch!! Don't You Know I'm G.K.??!! This Internet sensation has been downloaded worldwide a record 83 trillion times. G.K. followed this earth-shattering success with the twin releases of Aristotle's Ass Party and the scorching Greek epic Priapus: A Little History for that Ass. As the entire galaxy now knows, Aristotle's Ass Party completely shut down the Internet for 2 months. Admist United Nations concerns regarding global security initiatives, Priapus: A Little History for that Ass was released in theaters and stadiums worldwide. The film, which documents the life and times of the legendary phallic God Priapus, was viewed by 440 zillion people worldwide, eclipsing the numbers of viewers of such legendary titles as Star Wars, The Karate Kid and The Bible.

Despite such staggering success, G.K. is not one to rest on his laurels. He has been busy producing hit after hit, including his latest, Sophocles' Back Door Blast 3 and his first romantic comedy, My Big Fat Greek Schlong. My Big Fat Greek Schlong is a heartwarming tale about an awkward Greek girl who comes of age while falling in love with a non-Greek man. G.K. pulls off a dual role in the film, playing both the romantic lead, as well as a Priest. G.K. explains his method acting technique, "My schlong was everywhere on that production. Oh, and I had on a wig for some scenes."

With his latest film, G.K. has shown that he is truly a man of the people...and of the times. G.K.'s latest production reflects the current electoral decision that his home country is facing. Ruthorford B. Schlong tells the story of a self-made man who bucks the system and runs for the highest office in the land. Ruthorford is G.K.'s most inspirational and red-hot work to date. In the film, G.K. delivers a stunning address to Congress focusing on the issues most important to the American people, such as health care, tax reform, the economic meltdown, and of course, bitches. As G.K. explains, these are issues that he is passionate about..."Bitch reform is a vital issue to me...and the American people. After these bitches experience my giant schlong, they can't go back to their normal lives...they need counseling, they need rehabilitated....and at whose expense? The American taxpayer, that's who!"

Due to intergalatic concerns regarding bandwidth issues, Ruthorford B. Schlong has been beamed into space, where the entire galaxy can witness G.K.'s legendary schlong. According to famous scientist Stephen Hawking, this is the only logical means for viewing the film. "Relatively speaking...he has a giant schlong."

In addition to all of G.K.'s legendary filmwork, he has also recently been credited with saving the global economy. As G.K. explains, it's basic supply and demand. "Basically, there are a lot of bitches around...and my schlong is giant. It just works out. Also, a lot of people buy my films." Because of G.K.'s epic popularity, he has also recently been elected President of the United States. An immense write-in campaign has taken place across the country and G.K. recently received an astounding 104% of the popular vote. However, because of the unprecedented voter turnout, most ballot machines across the country self-destructed. However, G.K. is unfazed by the recent developments. "Being President is a full-time job. It probably wouldn't leave me time for the things that I love...such as delivering meat...to bitches and gardening." Also, as many of our loyal readers have learned over the past several months, G.K. is truly a man of the world and cannot be tied down. As G.K. eloquently states, "I can't be President right now. I'm not a one-bitch man."

We here at Big Greek Schlongs could not have put it any better and again, we salute you, G.K.

Big Greek Schlong of the Month - OCTOBER

History has been made here at Big Greek Schlongs as we honor our first four-time monthly award winner, G.K.

As many of our loyal readers already know, G.K. literally and figuratively exploded onto the scene with his award-winning performance in Damn Bitch!! Don't You Know I'm G.K.??!! This Internet sensation has been downloaded worldwide a record 46 billion times. G.K. followed this groundbreaking success with the releases of Aristotle's Ass Party and the red-hot educational video Priapus: A Little History for that Ass. Initially released online, Aristotle's Ass Party completely shut down the Internet for 8 days. Admist Homeland Security concerns regarding Internet bandwidth issues, Priapus: A Little History for that Ass was released in theaters and stadiums worldwide. The film, which documents the life and times of the legendary phallic God Priapus, was viewed by 298 billion people worldwide. The staggering numbers of viewers traveling to witness G.K.'s legendary schlong caused traffic woes of epic porportions, including the shutdown of major highways, bridges and waterways. Only recently have the Mediterrean Sea and Atlantic Ocean been reopened for travel and transport.

Despite this unprecedented success, G.K. is not one to rest on his laurels. In fact, our Big Greek Schlong of the Month has just released Heraclitus' Back Door Blast, which G.K. views as a multi-layered period piece. "Yeah, a lot of younger girls showed up for the shoot." The Ephesian themed epic features G.K. giving a heartfelt oration regarding the Σκοτεινός — ho Skoteinós, which roughly translates to, "the being of my schlong."

Keeping his reputation as the hardest working schlong in show business, G.K. has also delivered another stunner, the red-hot Pythagoraen Theory of Triples. In Pythagorean Theory of Triples, G.K. and his legendary schlong both dispute Euclid's primitive theories regarding how a hypotenuse and a leg differ by a prime number greater than 2, as well as devouring several multiples of bitches. According to G.K., the math was simple. "I just lined up all the bitches on one side of the room and then divided the shit out of their integers...with my giant schlong." Triples again shows the cosmic reach of G.K. After viewing this epic, a team of mathematicians from all over the world have developed a new universal theory which explains the meaning of existence:

b = gk − 2b
g = 2bb + (2 gk2/b)
s = g+ k = 2bgs + (2s2 /b) + b

G.K. sums up the formula, "basically, my schlong plus bitches equals happiness." We here at Big Greek Schlongs could not have put it any better and again, we salute you, G.K.

Big Greek Schlong of the Month - SEPTEMBER

Look who's done it again!!

We here at Big Greek Schlongs are proud to honor our first ever three-time monthly award winner, G.K.







As many of our loyal readers already know, G.K. literally and figuratively burst onto the scene with his award-winning performance in Damn Bitch!! Don't You Know I'm G.K.??!! This Internet sensation has been downloaded worldwide a record 3 billion times.

Proving that he was no one-hit wonder, G.K. followed up this massive success with the earth shattering Aristotle's Ass Party. G.K.'s honest portrayal of a missionary sensitive to the needs of his flock earned G.K. a lifetime A.V.N. acheivement award. Also, G.K.'s insatiable fans' demand for his big Greek schlong completely shut down the Internet for 3 days.

Despite this unbelievable success, G.K. has continued to mount the summit of success. G.K.'s newest video, Priapus: A Little History for That Ass, has just been released and has received critical acclaim. Priapus: A Little History for That Ass tells the story of the legendary Greek God of Fertility, Priapus, who was known primarily for his huge, permanately erect penis. Priapus also was considered the guardian of livestock, fruit baring plants, gardens and of course, male genitalia.

G.K. hopes his latest release will expand viewers' knowledge of Greek Mythology, as well as open viewers' eyes at the sight of G.K.'s big Greek schlong. G.K.'s portrayal of Priapus is perhaps his most well-rounded performance to date. G.K. admits that this was the role he was born to play. "Priapus and I are very similar. We both are protectors of livestock. You could even call me a 'meat man.' Also, we both find pleasure in the simple things in life, such as gardening, enjoying a fresh peach or berry and bitches. We both enjoy bitches. Oh...also, we both have giant schlongs." In addition to the striking similarities between Priapus and G.K., the two share the same sacrificial animal, the ass. "I've been sacrificing a ton of ass lately", comments G.K.

Because of Pentagon concern regarding Internet bandwidth issues, the video will not be released online. Instead, Priapus: A Little History for That Ass will be released in theaters and stadiums worldwide starting this Friday. The date coincides with the Greek holiday of μηδικό σίλφιο, which roughly translated means "All Day Ass Fest." G.K. feels the timing of the release will both honor Priapus, as well as allow more viewers to see his big Greek schlong.

We here at Big Greek Schlongs agree and we again salute you G.K.

Big Greek Schlong of the Month - AUGUST

History has been made here at Big Greek Schlongs as we honor our first two-time winner, G.K. Our Big Greek Schlong of the month burst onto the scene with his first Internet viral video, Damn Bitch!! Don't You Know I'm G.K.??!!. The video has been downloaded an Internet record 300 million times. However, G.K. has followed this success with an even bigger smash, as his latest video, Aristotle's Ass Party, completely shut down the Internet in its first day of release. Aristotle's Ass Party combines red-hot scenes of G.K.'s legendary Big Greek Schlong along his heart-felt views on worldwide famine and the global and socio-economic effects of his charity work. Despite the staggering success G.K. has experienced, he remains humble. "I'm just trying to feed families...and bitches...with my giant schlong." We here at Big Greek Schlongs congratulate you G.K. and look forward to bigger and better things in the future.