History has been made here at Big Greek Schlongs as we honor our first five-time monthly award winner, G.K.
As many of our loyal readers already know, G.K. literally and figuratively exploded onto the scene with his award-winning performance in Damn Bitch!! Don't You Know I'm G.K.??!! This Internet sensation has been downloaded worldwide a record 83 trillion times. G.K. followed this earth-shattering success with the twin releases of Aristotle's Ass Party and the scorching Greek epic Priapus: A Little History for that Ass. As the entire galaxy now knows, Aristotle's Ass Party completely shut down the Internet for 2 months. Admist United Nations concerns regarding global security initiatives, Priapus: A Little History for that Ass was released in theaters and stadiums worldwide. The film, which documents the life and times of the legendary phallic God Priapus, was viewed by 440 zillion people worldwide, eclipsing the numbers of viewers of such legendary titles as Star Wars, The Karate Kid and The Bible.
Despite such staggering success, G.K. is not one to rest on his laurels. He has been busy producing hit after hit, including his latest, Sophocles' Back Door Blast 3 and his first romantic comedy, My Big Fat Greek Schlong. My Big Fat Greek Schlong is a heartwarming tale about an awkward Greek girl who comes of age while falling in love with a non-Greek man. G.K. pulls off a dual role in the film, playing both the romantic lead, as well as a Priest. G.K. explains his method acting technique, "My schlong was everywhere on that production. Oh, and I had on a wig for some scenes."
With his latest film, G.K. has shown that he is truly a man of the people...and of the times. G.K.'s latest production reflects the current electoral decision that his home country is facing. Ruthorford B. Schlong tells the story of a self-made man who bucks the system and runs for the highest office in the land. Ruthorford is G.K.'s most inspirational and red-hot work to date. In the film, G.K. delivers a stunning address to Congress focusing on the issues most important to the American people, such as health care, tax reform, the economic meltdown, and of course, bitches. As G.K. explains, these are issues that he is passionate about..."Bitch reform is a vital issue to me...and the American people. After these bitches experience my giant schlong, they can't go back to their normal lives...they need counseling, they need rehabilitated....and at whose expense? The American taxpayer, that's who!"
Due to intergalatic concerns regarding bandwidth issues, Ruthorford B. Schlong has been beamed into space, where the entire galaxy can witness G.K.'s legendary schlong. According to famous scientist Stephen Hawking, this is the only logical means for viewing the film. "Relatively speaking...he has a giant schlong."
In addition to all of G.K.'s legendary filmwork, he has also recently been credited with saving the global economy. As G.K. explains, it's basic supply and demand. "Basically, there are a lot of bitches around...and my schlong is giant. It just works out. Also, a lot of people buy my films." Because of G.K.'s epic popularity, he has also recently been elected President of the United States. An immense write-in campaign has taken place across the country and G.K. recently received an astounding 104% of the popular vote. However, because of the unprecedented voter turnout, most ballot machines across the country self-destructed. However, G.K. is unfazed by the recent developments. "Being President is a full-time job. It probably wouldn't leave me time for the things that I love...such as delivering meat...to bitches and gardening." Also, as many of our loyal readers have learned over the past several months, G.K. is truly a man of the world and cannot be tied down. As G.K. eloquently states, "I can't be President right now. I'm not a one-bitch man."
We here at Big Greek Schlongs could not have put it any better and again, we salute you, G.K.
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